We frantically hurry about in vain...gathering possessions, the Psalmist says. And I do. But why? Is my time on this earth my portion? Is this life all I have? No. He is my inheritance. And I CONSTANTLY have to remind myself of this. The up and up, the striving to be more beautiful, to have more THINGS--it is such a distraction.
I’ll be lucky if only a third of my life is over; if I get two more sets of 27 years. But I don’t want to live them like I have been. I’m not being hard on myself. I’m grateful for what I’ve done to honor the Lord. I’m being honest. I live, most of the time, as if I only have 100 years and as if when my body dies, it is my end. But I do not believe that! I want to live as if I have 30 billion years after earth. And I do. And I want to invest in THAT life.
As I reflected upon 2020 and took some time to evaluate the changes I want to make going forward, I realized I was running the wrong race. I have been frantically hurrying about; desperately plotting how to make more money so that I can have the life many earthly women dream of having--nothing “bad” really…”normal” things. But I don’t want to get caught up in America’s normal. A white picket fence CANNOT be my goal. There are people starving. Both literally and spiritually.
I prayed on the 31st and I saw a woman who I can only describe to you as, “just” me. I stood before God in the end. I had no makeup on, the veins under my eyes weren’t covered by concealer. My hair was in the low frizzy ponytail that I wake up with every day and quickly try to sort out before I see the public. I had no possessions, no titles and nothing really that anyone would or could be impressed with. But I had done it. I had run the race that is REAL. I had lived as if GOD was my only goal; As if His approval was the only one that mattered; As if I was in love with Him. Only Him and only His.
That is what I want most. That is the vision I want to hold fiercely in front of my wandering gaze this year. If you’re the praying type, please pray for me. I would hate to be deceived another 50 years.
This. is. Not. it.
I don’t care what culture says. I don’t care what the popular churches say. This I KNOW: we are blessed to be a blessing, we are loved beyond measure, and this earth is not our home.
There is joy here. There is so much beauty. There are years that are so worth the living...as long as they are lived with my Lord.