Is staying home with toddlers enough?
I graduated college about 3 years ago. Phi Beta Kappa and the "distinguished student" of my class. And 5 months pregnant. I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and yet, time and again I found myself applying for full time jobs. After all, I had my degree, and I had done well, and I wondered if it was a “waste” to stay home. Once I had Josiah, I realized even more that I wanted to be home with him, but there were many days I felt this stress pulling at me. It came down to this: I wanted to be a sweet, stay at home, intentional, present mother but I also wanted to be doing something important. And in the eyes of the world, and honestly, sometimes in my own eyes, staying home with children that can’t even count to 20 yet, didn’t feel important. Should I become a professor? Should I try to get a high-end job like so many of my girlfriends have? Should I try to make more money so we could have nicer things?
But if I work full time, I wouldn’t get to be the influence that I desired to be to my children.
I constantly found myself in this dichotomy and so I constantly had to choose who to listen to: the World? Or my Creator?
More than anything, I want to please my Creator. What does He say I should be doing? Who does He say that I am? I know that His design is perfect. I know if I walk in the ways He created me to walk, I thrive. If I step outside of those boundaries, I lose out on the blessing of living the way God intended, and created me, to live best.
God’s word has a lot to say to women. In Titus chapter two, I see that young married women are to love and care for their children and be “home makers.” While today this may sound offensive, Titus chapter 2 calls this, “sound doctrine.” This is God’s design for me! So I know that the world, my family, and I will reap the blessings of walking in His design--walking in this SOUND doctrine.
The Bible also says women are to wash the feet of the saints, reach out their hands to the needy, and submit to and respect their husbands (1 Timothy 5:10, Proverbs 31:20, Ephesians 5:33). The Proverbs 31 woman rises while it is still dark to prepare food for her family. The Bible says, a wise woman builds up her home (Proverbs 14:1). This stuff excites me! You know why? Because it isn’t mundane! The laundry, the dishes, the cooking of nourishing meals, it is what God Almighty has called women to do AND we can do it ALL as “unto the Lord.” Right? Because the Bible says we can do everything as unto the Lord, and not just unto men (Colossians 3:23)! Those “little” things, like dishes, are ways that make up a peaceful and lovely home environment--they are ways in which a woman can build up her home.
Do you get that? When we serve our families, we are serving Christ and giving Him what He desires.
What does He desire? Malachi says, He desires a “Godly seed” (Malachi 2:15).
And how will we give Him a godly seed? By pouring our lives into His image bearers, our Children. By guiding those “arrows,” as Pslam 27 calls children, to be weapons of destruction against the Devil! We are in a war, truly, and part of a mother’s war, is to train those arrows to be effective and sharp and pure and to hit their targets! And that takes time and consistency. Like Deuteronomy 11 says, we are to teach our children the ways of Yahweh, “talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” There’s no way I will be doing that if I’m caught up even partially in the world.
As we give, God gives to us! That is not what the world says to moms, is it? But it is certainly what God teaches.
The world says gray hair is something to dread and cover up. The Bible says that "gray hair is a crown of glory" (Proverbs 16:31).
The world says you need recognition, lots of likes and followers and your own book, etc. The Bible says we have a God who "sees in secret" and rewards those who serve Him in secret (Matthew 6:4).
You know what else, it is okay to be tired. That’s why it is called a “labor of love” (Hebrews 6:10). That’s why the proverbs 31 woman, and Jesus for that matter, rose to serve God, while it was still dark (Mark 1:35). It’s okay that you are waking to nurse that baby, or getting up early to clean or read your Bible. Life is meant to be spent! Poured out. To God, to people, to my children.
It is okay to die to yourself! Life is meant to be “lost” so that it can be truly found!
The world would tell us to save our lives at all costs! Try to remain as youthful as possible, get as much me-time as possible, woe to you who have children and don’t get to stay up partying anymore...but Jesus says if you want to save your life, you will lose it. But if you lose it, for His name sake, you will find it (Luke 17:33).
The world says your wrinkles, and gray hair, and saggy breasts are something to be ashamed of. But the way God created us women, shows me that wrinkles, and gray hair, and saggy breasts are a sign of a woman who got to be a mother. A woman who has given so much of herself to her children, to the Lord, that her whole body reflects it. She has laughed and cried so much her face reveals it. She has so much wisdom from seeking the Lord for her family that He’s given her a crown of glory. She has nursed image-bearers at her breasts, nourishing them night and day, and her chest shows it.
Mothers, our time is MEANT to be spent. On cooking, calming, cleaning, giving. Jesus, not the world who we know to be wrong, Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Jesus says to lose your life. Jesus does not forget our “labor of love" (italicize added).
And finally, I want to remember what GOD says about Children. Because the world says they are obstacles. In our way. They aren’t allowed at some resorts or restaurants. Many people encourage couples to wait to have children because basically when they come, they take away from your life. They are so inconvenient, that we are actually legally allowed to take their lives in this country.
But what does God say?
Children are a blessing (Psalm 127:3). Something to look forward to and pray for. Every time the Lord blessed the Israelites, He blessed with the fruit of the womb. Verse after verse they are called blessings. Never once, is a child referred to as a curse by God. Always a blessing and a reward. And, at least in biblical times, the more the merrier!
So where do we get this idea that they are in the way of our work? Especially as Christians! Some still act as if children get in the way of ministry! In Mark 10, Jesus is “indignant” that people think the children are in the way. He tells them that even the Kingdom of God belongs to the little children (Luke 18:16). They aren’t in the way of our work, They ARE our most precious work! In Mark 9, Jesus says, “whoever embraces one of these children as I do embraces me, and far more than me--God who sent me.” Our time is meant to be SPENT on them. When we embrace them, we embrace God.
With this true perspective, that children are a blessing, we will find ourselves much more patient and much more fulfilled with our lives as mothers (or teachers, or grandparents, or babysitters).
Fulfilled. Isn’t that funny? We will be filled as we pour out. Refreshed as we refresh. Doesn’t make sense in the world, but in God’s ways, it makes total sense. Remember in the old testament when that woman kept sharing her oil during a famine? Well the more she poured out, the more God filled up (1 Kings 17:16). Remember the bread? The disciples only had a few loaves, yet the more they gave away, the more God filled their baskets (Matthew 14:19-20). This math makes sense in the kingdom of God! In contrast, in the old testament when God sent manna from Heaven, if the Israelites tried to hoard it for themselves, they would wake up the next day to find it rotting (Exodus 16:20)! See? We will be filled as we pour out. Save our lives by giving them. Lose them by saving them. As we pour out to our children, God will pour into us.
Now I know I’ve talked a lot about it being okay to be tired. But we do need rest. Jesus says in Matthew 11, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
If it doesn’t feel light, perhaps you are trying to carry the yoke of Jesus AND of the world. That will be a heavy burden. As I’ve just made clear, Jesus and the world expect and want very different things for your life. So we need to share the yoke of Jesus and let go of the world’s standards.
I must let go of trying to blend in with the world. 1 peter 2 tells us that we are meant to be “peculiar.” We are not going to look normal as we raise a godly seed. Because godly is not normal nor is it accepted nor will we blend in. Philippians reminds us that we are to “shine like stars in a crooked and perverse generation” (2:15). And time and time again Jesus and the disciples assure us that “all who seek to lead a godly life WILL BE PERSECUTED” (2 timothy 3:12). So take that weight off your shoulders now and save yourself a lot of strife. If you want to diligently raise children to love the Lord with all their hearts, minds, and souls, you will not be normal. So just have a blast with your family and other strong believers! And know that it’s okay to shine like stars...and be persecuted.
Let’s dive further. We have now looked at a few verses that tell us what women should be doing. But now let us look at what women ARE.
In Matthew 19, Jesus said, ““Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’” The word Jesus used for female here was “thelus.” The root word is thele which literally means, the nipple of a woman’s breast from which the baby sucks to find sustenance and to thrive.’ The verb means “to suckle at the breast.” So from the beginning, you know, when God called all things “good,” He created woman to be a “suckling mother.” (Campbell, The Power of Motherhood). How comforting for me to know, that as I sit and nurse my baby every couple hours, again and again, I am doing and being exactly what I was created to do.
And do you know what Eve, means? Chava, which is our version of “Eve” in Hebrew, means “life-giver.” Here it is important to note that Eve was named “Chava” or “life-giver” before she ever gave birth. All women are innately, givers of life, nurturers.
Then we have, “Ezer Kenegdo.” When God created woman, he created her to be Adam’s “help-meet”; Adam’s Ezer Kenegdo (Genesis 2:18). Women love to be offended at this verse but if anyone should be offended, I think it ought to be the man because he is the one who needed so much help! To top it off, “Ezer Kenegdo” is used once to refer to women, and every single other time it is used to refer to God himself swooping in to save mankind. Like when the Psalms say “He is my help and shield,” that word “help” is usually “ezer kenegdo” (Psalm 33:20). So we women are vital to our husbands! Without us, truly, they would not survive!
Suckling mothers, life-givers, help-meets. And all of that I can do, if I want, with out ever holding a paying job!
So now we have the Bible that testifies so clearly what women should be doing and who we are. But even physically, we can see that God created us to nurture and to give life. Interesting fact for ya, we have breasts and a womb to nurture and to give life.
How about children. Just physically. Did you know that those years of life, the ones where children can’t even count to 20, or roll from their tummy to their back yet, are so important that if they don’t receive eye contact, and cuddling, they literally will not grow physically? They can develop life long special needs! Moms you were created to GIVE life and these little ones were created to need your love.
They survive and thrive off of those "mundane," everyday "little things" like looking them in the eyes when they nurse, and picking them up when they cry. Reading them a little story.
Women, our God is the God who sees in secret. He sees the piles of laundry and the hundreds of diapers. He’s seen you through cracked nipples and mastitis and sleepless nights. He’s seen you when you are alone in your room praying for your precious children. Regardless of whether we feel it or not, God sees what is done in secret. And He does not forget our labor of love. AND, He assures us that all of these motherly things, can be done as unto Him. What a high calling! We get to serve our children, and serve the King of Kings. Day after day. Dish after dish. Tantrum after tantrum. Hug after hug.
This is our glory.
He is Emanuel. God with us (Matthew 1:23). He’s with us when we wake up at 5 am to read the Bible and spend time with Him. He’s with us when we’ve not had any “quiet time” with Him in weeks! He’s with us as we yell out, “God help me!” as we change another blow-out diaper. He’s with us in all the wonderful, sweet moments as well of course.
We do not do this mothering alone. We have Christ as our rest.He is with us and He is all satisfactory, El Shaddai (Genesis 35:11). But also, we have each other and we NEED each other. Needing others is also part of His beautiful design for women. As our Creator made clear in the beginning, it "is not good" for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18). All of us women in different seasons, give life to each other. Titus 2, tells us this is important. God knows how much my own mother and sister have encouraged me in my mothering journey. Women from church and authors of Christian parenting books and motherhood podcasts...So when you cast off the yoke of the world, and take the yoke of Christ, remember that He did not create us to do life alone. He created us to need His body, the church. We need each other's practical help. We need time to have long hot showers, or a walk alone. We need encouragement and prayer and timely words of advice. So take note, you were created to be a life-giver, but you were not created to give life alone.
My brother recently wrote to us sisters as a mother’s day encouragement and I will leave you with this thousandth thought to give you one more thing to reflect on next time you wonder if being a mother is enough.
He said:
“God could have figured out some other way to come to earth as a human, but he desired to have a mother!” He came as an infant, to be nurtured and raised by "just a mother."
Women, your work is eternal. Whether you are a suckling mother now, a grandmother, or a woman who never conceived yet brought true life to many (such as Corrie Tenboom, Gladys Aylward, Jackie Pullinger and Mother Theresa). Under the yoke of Christ, you truly make the world go round, even if you are simply alone, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
*So much of this post was inspired by the author and speaker Nancy Campbell. If you can get your hands on any of her books or watch her speak on Youtube, she will just bless your socks off. My favorite book is called The Power of Motherhood. It has been a huge encouragement to me as I seek to be a godly mother.