A good friend recently asked me how I stay so patient with my intense little toddler. At first I said it was just my personality. While a lot of things in life make me angry, my toddler usually isn’t one of them. But then I thought a little more. Maybe it’s because I never feel like he’s getting in the way. Because being his mom is my main priority throughout the day. Because I have a strong conviction that when God told mothers to raise their children, that raising my children is my calling. It is my full-time career. Not just because I stay home full-time but because I put so much work, and thought, and intention, and prayer into raising my son and keeping a peaceful home.
At my last ultrasound with Graham, the doctor told me he had some indicators that pointed to Down-Syndrome. I was shocked, of course, but not devastated. My doctor told me I was taking the news surprisingly well and I replied with the truth, “Well I had no other plans.”
Do I feel the pull to have more money sometimes? Yes. Do I have to stifle the inner-voice that questions whether I am enough if I “just” stay home? Yes. But His voice is louder and I’ve learned to use my own voice to remind myself: THIS is your dream. Raising the children God gives me, with full intention and love and attention...it’s my dream and I already have it.
So yes, I have an intense little toddler and I just might have another intense baby in a month! He might sleep like Josiah did...which means, he might not sleep. He might be colicky like Josiah was. He might need A LOT of stimulus, like Josiah does. But I have no other plans! They ARE my plan and God’s plan and my dream come true. And with all the screaming and sleepless nights and tantrums, there are so many gummy grins, and one-tooth smiles, and all-the-teeth smiles, and giggles and snuggles and the promise that if I keep guiding and disciplining and raising my boys with love and intention, they will “yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” In their season. And I plan to witness it all.
Last Saturday I was up at 6:30. I sat down with my coffee, spent time with God in His word and then got out my current parenting book. When I got up to pee, as we 8-monthers often do, I passed my husband in the kitchen, bent over his book, “Why Children Matter” and my heart swelled. THIS, this is my dream home. The home where my husband works his rear off at work, is fully present in the evenings, and all ours on the weekends. Our children are loved and nurtured here--they aren’t in the way of our goals--they are our goal. They aren’t in the way of our important work, they are the important work.
Everyday I wake up with purpose! Everyday I have divine work! Everyday I get to do EVERYTHING as unto the Lord (we are all able to do that!) And there is so much purpose, and value, and joy in that.
***and I have a GREAT support system!! Which helps with the patience. Also, as far as we know Graham does NOT have Downs--we did further testing.